Blog 1 (Part 3 of 8): Why see a Psychologist and not just talk to a friend?

As Psychologists, we are trained to deeply listen and empathically understand our clients.  We have also heard everything before …so you know that thing you might be feeling some shame and embarrassment around and too scared to share?  Share it!  You will not be judged or criticised.  We are here to help you.  The more you can trust us and the more you can open up, the more you will get out of therapy. 

The type of conversation you have with a Psychologist is a very special and unique one.  You can say exactly what you want and open up about how you feel with complete honesty.  You do not need to worry about being looked down or punished in any way, hurting anyone’s feelings or damaging the relationship.  Anything you need to say is ok.  This is why working with a Therapist / Psychologist can be so worthwhile.  We provide a safe space where you can share anything you are feeling.  You can discuss everything you want to create for yourself without worrying about upsetting anyone, without having anyone telling you “you can’t” or “you’re wrong” and without being interrupted or judged.

Having a supportive network around you is important and others’ insights and encouragement can be very helpful, but it needs to be from those who have your best interests at heart.  If you have people like this in your life, then fantastic! For some though, it can feel more lonely as your surrounding people might not always be in a place where they can be non-judgmental, fair or unbiased, meaning you might not be able to share your deepest thoughts.  Many of our friends and family may also have their own difficult emotions to deal with, which makes it feel as though they are unable to fully hear/see/support you.  In the long run, seeing a Psychologist or Therapist may be the best (despite more expensive) option for you and those around you if it means solving your difficulties faster and accomplishing your goals.

Two “experts”

Many people come to therapy expecting to be “fixed”.  Changing unhelpful patterns of ‘thinking and doing’ that has led to you feeling “stuck” is not something a Psychologist “does” to their client.  Different to other relationships you may have in your life, we will not tell you what to do.  A Psychologist will instead collaboratively work with you to make changes.  Many clients who come to therapy are not used to this if they are more familiar with directive, controlling or manipulative relationships in their personal life.  That is why therapy can feel refreshing. 

A good way of describing this special collaborative way of working is viewing therapy as having “two experts in the room”, i.e.  seeing the Psychologist as the expert in ‘mental health disorders, how they work and how they are treated’.  By contrast, the client is an expert of their life and personal experiences and the Psychologist will need the client’s help to understand them.  The Psychologist will in turn help the client to understand their problems better as they have the knowledge in psychological theory, formulation and treatment of mental health problems.  The aim of therapy is therefore to work in a collaborative way and bring the two types of expertise together. 

Therapy is therefore not about ‘telling you what to do’ or ‘doing it for you’.  Psychologists are similar to Sports Coaches in this way - the Tennis Coach cannot go out and win the match for you – they teach the player the tools to win the match themselves.  Similarly, in therapy only the client can live their life – the Psychologist will always be one step removed from the action but be cheering you on from the side lines and empowering you to live the life you want.  They can’t do these things for you – instead, they will guide you, help you to evaluate things differently, empower you to feel better and learn effective techniques to deal with any triggers or negativity in the future. They’ll also help you to see what you can and cannot change in your life, supporting you to recognise the difference.

Join the dots

(1) Psychologists will provide you with a safe space to say whatever you want, without judgement

(2) Therapy is not about "being fixed” or something which is “done to you”

(3) Therapy is a team effort - you are the expert on you, and your therapist is the expert in guiding your treatment

How do you go about finding the right Psychologist then? What am I looking for and what do I do next? …See Blog 1, Part 4.